The Pressing Times
#Satire
The Pressing Times:
POFMA’s Best Friend
The Pressing Times is an online satirical news publication.
We are Singapore's leading source for the latest broken news and top stories.
Founded in the early days of 1299, we were the first news organisation to release the exclusive piece on Sang Nila Utama’s sighting of the monstrous beast, the Liger.
Today, in the 21st century, The Pressing Times supports more than 5.6m full- and part-time jobs in Singapore, along with the hundreds of thousands of humanitarian efforts to help combat regional war between Easties and Westies, and is worshiped as the gold standard for journalism—in a country where many Singaporeans, from all walks of life, say is dead.
![[What a pain in the ass!]
SINGAPORE—After a historic landmark announcement declared just moments earlier, conservative experts around the island have spoken out to reject the repeal of Section 377a of the penal code, claiming that it will lead](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1661097225459-61WLY8DALUE1ZNKIA3W9/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Stop it, inflation. This isn’t you.]
RAFFLES PLACE—Noting that everything—since the beginning of time, space, and love—will be more expensive than before, the Singapore government threatened in a press conference held Wednes](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1660715246529-V0A6JJN2TGISSZG9IGK4/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Tag someone who needs to read this.]
MARINA BAY—Unable to pinpoint how it all went wrong, or how it has been going wrong this whole time, local woman Jessica Lee Rui Min who believes that she has the power to “fix” boys she meets](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1660199078819-940I5G7WEFAN0EKX2OMS/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Comment like a xmm wishing “Singapore-jie” a Happy Birthday.]
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Follow @thepressingtimes.sg for more broken news. #NDP2022 #PressingPhotos #Satire #Singapore
(image: Adrian Agawin/Pexels, MCI, Tirachardz/Unsplash, Fah](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1660022880006-4V5ZO62N9CC3W13W787A/image-asset.jpeg)
![[W for west.]
LAKESIDE—American author and cartoonist Dr. Seuss once said: “Sometimes the questions are complicated, and the answers are simple.” Is @afchaichee’s use of “thirst traps” immoral, or is the online vi](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1659180264975-W8MSPYG6HQ9LDQA780YA/image-asset.jpeg)
![[TYPE “GIVE ME MORE!” TO AFFIRM A FAT PAY RAISE.]
CHANGI—Noting that the ghastly spirit felt increasingly ambivalent about being compensated reasonably, local ghost Michelle Leow En (1802–1867) told reporters that he only wis](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1659081728276-03XHFCLQHZ6VKQINS624/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Happy New Year! 🕌💚🤲✨]
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Follow @thepressingtimes.sg for more broken news. #HariRaya #PressingPhotos #Satire #Singapore
(image: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexel)](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1657523551962-6YBGUQ96L7N0QVULBEI1/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Type “I ALSO!” to affirm.]
UPPER CHANGI ROAD—Cancelling her appointment with her therapist for the fourth session in a row, local woman Selenium Seow insisted that meowing at the free-roaming cats near her HDB block is actually a](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1657095270696-K4NQWTUB9HEZILD3TOWJ/image-asset.jpeg)
![[We Have a Together.]
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Follow @thepressingtimes.sg for more broken news. #Government #PressingPhotos #Satire #Singapore](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1656657452138-7ZPKDDCPHOYHJYZOF48X/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Beyoncé tell me to resign one.]
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Follow @thepressingtimes.sg for more broken news. #Adulting #PressingPhotos #Satire #Singapore
(image: SamLion/pexel)](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1656137889126-0GWHU1IM4JALTOUKJFQN/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Please revert ASAP as possible.]
CLEMENTI—Acknowledging that the pandemic has left many more overworked than ever, experts from all around the island have banded together to warn that Singaporeans are one badly-worded email away from a comple](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1655872562858-IT797FUI2CWJ1OFE8737/image-asset.jpeg)
![[To infinity and beyond the lips.]
SINGAPORE—Following the online vitriol that a same-sex marriage and kiss scene in Disney and Pixar’s Lightyear warrants an NC16 rating as it “may influence the kids to try an alternative lifestyle](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1655291060317-K84WZWV7XU1860W3A9YL/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Will you… watch fireworks with me?]
ALJUNIED—Acknowledging that they have reached a point in their relationship where they are prepared bring it to the next level, local couple Jie Lin Costanza and Syafiq Lim announced that they are fi](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1654585514443-2LUC0AZLH3PZAOYU7IGQ/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Once-in-a-lifetime promotion.]
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Follow @thepressingtimes.sg for more broken news. #LawrenceWong #PressingPhotos #Satire #Singapore
(image: EPA-EFE/MCI)](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1654515778305-0ATQS3BQAG2TQOKT12UX/image-asset.jpeg)
![[My life is spinning out of control.]
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Follow @thepressingtimes.sg for more broken news. #Activewear #PressingPhotos #Satire #Singapore](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1654245093646-MYBSDN907F5FXQSKPX6C/image-asset.jpeg)
![[No harm, no fowl.]
MAXWELL—In light of Malaysia’s recent chicken export ban—where some were clearly more affected by this tragedy than others—Michael Lim, a local chicken rice enthusiast who is currently undergoing the third](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1654080667304-OAMJN3YFTOOLGA0MOHLB/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Three cheers for you!]
SIMEI—Claiming that they have nothing but love for all you merry fucks, a recent report confirmed that Singaporeans all around the island—who are stuck here slogging away at their day jobs—are very happy tha](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1652792992802-20O1Y38Z1Y51UH08KPJW/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Ramadone.]
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Follow @thepressingtimes.sg for more broken news. #hariraya #PressingPhotos #Satire #Singapore
(image: Muhammad Ruqi Yaddin, Rendy Novantino, UtsmanMedia, Mentatdgt, River Kao / [Unsplash.com](http://Unsplash.com) &m](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1651553118021-SNC3XGKVHO90ITTLP10I/image-asset.jpeg)
![[Not bad enough to be good enough.]
ONE-NORTH—Previously just wondering if she good enough at her job, local employee Li-Anne Teo announced Thursday that she is now unsure if she even self-doubting enough to have imposter syndrome.
“At](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1651142298896-VRM97MV2Z2EBFNM38HJY/image-asset.jpeg)
![[We have a together. Forever.]
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Follow @thepressingtimes.sg for more broken news. #COVID #PressingPhotos #Satire #Singapore
(image: AndreaPiacquadio/Pexels, DavidSelbert/Pexels)](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b7241f7c3c16a04999644c3/1650952035231-RM6DPC01WHTIDXUEJ7ZA/image-asset.jpeg)